marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
