I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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