Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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