I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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