it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
