Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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