I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
