you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
