after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
