last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
