I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
