Small penises have feelings too.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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