After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
