I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
