I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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