I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we have officially lost it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
