I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize