Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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