No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
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