you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need moral support for this bender
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
