he puts the penis in happiness.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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