he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
