Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
