Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
