Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
whose ass print is on the piano?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
