okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
