He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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