I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
