he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
