it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
