If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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