i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
