You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
