Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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