Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
