OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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