the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
