she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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