Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
