I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
