I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
