Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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