So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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