i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
