If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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