pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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