I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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