I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
