All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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