You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
