im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
