There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
