I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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