put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
