I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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