I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
