my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
