don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
