We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
