there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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