you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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